I’ve had a lot of trouble getting ready emotionally for Lake Placid this year.  I vividly remember thinking about the season at the beginning of the year and thinking about all the promise it had to be a spectacular year.  I had some pretty significant goals that would have been challenging under the best conditons, and, unfortunately, I have not had the best conditions.  Amidst the emotional rollercoaster of injury and re-injury of May and June, I kind of lost my passion for the season.  Actually, I kind of lost my passion for most things.  I’ve struggled with productivity at work.  I’ve struggled with productivity at home.  Tonight, though, I’m feeling much better.

I just sat here and watched the 2010 IM Lake Placid race that we’ve saved on our DVR since it aired last summer.  There were finish line scenes.  That is all the reminder I needed.  I remember so vividly the finish line at IM Louisville last year.  It was my first Ironman.  I have never experienced anything like it.  I have never been so proud of anything before in my life.  I’m tremendously excited to have that opportunity again.  I didn’t qualify for Kona last year.  I didn’t break any speed records, but, still, I crossed the finish line SOBBING with pride.  Seriously, sobbing.  The kind of crying in which you can’t catch your breath.  So much crying that 30 minutes later when walking to pick up my stuff at the run special needs tent, some guy stopped me and said, “oh my god, I know you!  You were crying!  I love you!”  (If you don’t believe me, btw, ask Kim Torgerson, I’m pretty sure he has footage of it.)

30 days ago I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to even start the race and, yet, 30 minutes ago, I was still feeling sorry for myself that my race wasn’t going to be as fast as I had wished it would be.  I need to remember how amazing the finish line felt and (hopefully) will feel again.  I REALLY hope that feeling is just as awesome every time.  I’m counting on it actually.

Also contributing to my improved mood this evening is the fact that I just put the finishing touches on my race plan.  I have had the swim and bike portions done for a few days now, but I’ve been dragging my feet on the run plan.  The reason, I know, is because this is the area I am disgusted with.  Six weeks is the total time I ended up taking off from running.  I missed all of my major training.  I started back running on July 3 and my longest run has been just shy of 11 miles.  Not really the ideal Ironman running training plan.  BUT, I made a list of things to think about when the darkness settles into my brain during the run, and it includes these three items

• I ran a 3:19 marathon only FOUR months ago
• I averaged a 10:40 pace on TRAILS over 50 miles in November
• I ran a 3:50 marathon last year at IM Louisville in 100 degree heat.

That list blows my freaking mind.  I cannot believe what I’ve been able to accomplish in a 1.5 years time.  I really can’t.  I am not a life long athlete.  In fact, I was pretty much a big freaking sissy in high school track.  I started off my freshman year doing the 800 and 1600m, but once I experienced what the training was for those events, I pretended I was sick during interval sessions to get out of them.  That was my first and last year doing that.  I don’t know how or why or when things changed, but they did.  At this point, 6 weeks off isn’t going to change that I am completely capable of putting together a solid IM performance this weekend.  My mantra for this run is YOU HAVE GOT THIS.  Of course, there will probably be several expletives thrown in there, but, it’s true.  I have SO got this.